youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Randomize
