who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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