I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
