um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
