I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
be right there i have to get my cape
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.