hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
