Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's