I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.