I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?