I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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