Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
