I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
