I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
