so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
