hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm passing your future prison.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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