drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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