he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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