Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
