Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
