I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
