im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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