rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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