He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
