dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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