The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
