Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
