The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
