everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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