i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We have started to decorate penises.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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