So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
