last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need a beard to bite.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
