is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
