I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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