guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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