I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
