end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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