I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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