He had one of those small greek statue penises
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
