hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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