I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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