but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
