Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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