sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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