i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
