ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
