I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
