She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
