I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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