she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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