she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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