I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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