Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
