i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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