If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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