I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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