From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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