You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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