Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.