I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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