The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything