tell your sister to shave her snatch
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.