somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..