Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.

(859): View more from Kentucky

i did. i'm using it as a microphone.

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(703): maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking. (859): i did. i'm using it as a microphone. http://tfl.nu/mm1q

Replies (8) Good night (3009) Bad night (597)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever

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(225): were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever http://tfl.nu/h34v

Replies (30) Good night (6179) Bad night (607)
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(334): View more from Alabama

Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.

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(334): Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama. http://tfl.nu/24qa

Replies (52) Good night (4664) Bad night (737)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

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(410): I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis" http://tfl.nu/6z4n

Replies (29) Good night (12800) Bad night (1018)
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(503): View more from Oregon

PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."

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(503): PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true." http://tfl.nu/yccu

Replies (17) Good night (5783) Bad night (743)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?

(636): View more from Missouri

our generation is not ready to get married

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(314): Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"? (636): our generation is not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/klk9

Replies (49) Good night (6860) Bad night (2509)
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(347): View more from New York

i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had

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(347): i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had http://tfl.nu/siqb

Replies (11) Good night (3075) Bad night (1551)
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(240): View more from Maryland

last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

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(240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0

Replies (15) Good night (13290) Bad night (1174)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

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(412): he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/z7yu

Replies (34) Good night (11351) Bad night (1525)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.

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(919): I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping. http://tfl.nu/iyfp

Replies (10) Good night (2000) Bad night (1109)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.

(616): View more from Michigan

Already at 3 and it's not even noon.

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(616): I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today. (616): Already at 3 and it's not even noon. http://tfl.nu/7ttt

Replies (6) Good night (1389) Bad night (578)
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(214): View more from Texas

Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.

(1-214): View more from Texas

I love you.

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(214): Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants. (1-214): I love you. http://tfl.nu/sgzz

Replies (5) Good night (2501) Bad night (522)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.

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(248): Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you. http://tfl.nu/e3a4

Replies (1) Good night (299) Bad night (650)
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(716): View more from New York

Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?

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(716): Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back? http://tfl.nu/1bv2

Replies (0) Good night (360) Bad night (135)
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(818): View more from California

It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.

(440): View more from Ohio

It's important to play to your strengths.

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(818): It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014. (440): It's important to play to your strengths. http://tfl.nu/uc6m

Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (367)

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