Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this