What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
