In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
