Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
