just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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