You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I forget how to act sober
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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