just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
